Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Gamal Abdel Nasser/archive1

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
  • Not promoted - no consensus for promotion after being open for 28 days -MBK004 16:14, 14 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Gamal Abdel Nasser[edit]

Nominator(s): Diaa abdelmoneim (talk)
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I am nominating this article for A-Class review because Gamal Abdel Nasser was one of the most recognized leaders in the middle east and deserves a high quality comprehensive article. I've been working with Al Ameer Son for a long time on the article and we have managed to work together and provide various references and information about Nasser. I hope to soon nominate it for feature article after it is assessed good enough for A-Class. Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 10:56, 17 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments: Just a few quick points to get the review started. (Sorry, I don't have time for a full review at the moment, but I will come back when I get some more time):
    • According to the Featured article tools there is one dab link that needs fixing: [1];
    • external links all work according to the tools (no action required);
    • images all have alt text (no action required);
    • Citation # 18 is a different format to the others, e.g. "Sullivan, 84" as opposed to "Aburish 2004, pp. 11–12"";
    • Citation # 20 is not linked but the others are;
    • Citation # 136 is a bare url, it should be embedded with publisher and accessdate information, using the {{cite web}} template or manually;
    • in the Bibliography section the titles should be capitalised per WP:MOSCAPS#Composition titles, e.g. "The struggle for Kirkuk: the rise of Hussein, oil, and the death of tolerance in Iraq" should be "The Struggle for Kirkuk: The Rise of Hussein, Oil, and the Death of Tolerance in Iraq"; (the works by Yaqub, Jankowsi, Astergian, Dekmejian and Joestan have these issues also);
    • in the Bibliography section it should be sorted alphabetically by author's surname;
      • Do I have to do that? I sorted them by publication date.--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 18:07, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Alphabetical sort is standard, in my opinion. If there are then multiple works by the same author, then those works would be placed alphabetically and then numerically. AustralianRupert (talk) 22:58, 31 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Bibliography section the Asterjian work is listed twice (second line and then eighth line).
    • Citation # 68 "Establishment of UNEF" needs an accessdate. AustralianRupert (talk) 07:25, 22 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Revolution of 1952 section, "...low-ranking general like himself (a lieutenant-colonel)" - this seems a little confusing. A lieutenant colonel is not a "general" officer;
    • in the Assuming the presidency section there is a "Not in citation given" tag which needs to be rectified;
    • in the Pan-Arabism section, this clause seems a little awkward and might need to be reworded, "King Saud was gradually resenting Nasser's popularity ..." I think this would sound better as "King Saud gradually came to resent Nasser's popularity...";
    • in the Pan-Arabism section, in this clause "(he preferred the term "Arab nationalist.")", I think that the full stop should go after the bracket per Wikipedia:MOS#Brackets and parentheses;
    • in the Collapse of the UAR and aftermath section, this sentence seems a little awkward: "According to Heikal, Nasser suffered something resembling nervous breakdowns as well as deteriorating health and an increase in smoking after the dissolution of the union..." I suggest rewording to "According Heikal, Nasser suffered somethin resembling a nervous breakdown and his health deteriorated after the dissolution of the union. He also began smoking more heavily."
    • in the Resignation and aftermath section, I think this clause: "...losing "the person closest to me," and did not fully..." should be changed to "...losing "the person closest to [him]," and did not fully..." This is because the word "me" makes the sentence grammatically incorrect. The square brackets indicate that the word in the quote has been changed and is acceptable per Wikipedia:MOSQUOTE#Quotations;
    • I've made a few tweaks, please check that you are happy with what I've done. AustralianRupert (talk) 13:24, 22 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry I haven't seen that the review was started I'll start fixing stuff in the coming few days. Thank you.--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 18:08, 27 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • That's okay. I've just had another look at the article and found that one of the images appears to no longer be displaying. It is in the Disputes with Naguib section, and is just showing as a redlinked file. Can you please check this and rectify or remove as necessary? Cheers. AustralianRupert (talk) 11:25, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Additional comments (upon further review):
    • Citation # 136 (Ro'i) is in long format, but you use short format (WP:CITESHORT) throughout the rest of the article. I think it should be changed for consistency;
    • there is an inconsistency in style for the accessdates. Sometimes you have "Retrieved 2009-11-06", then "Retrieved 29 July 2010". The dates should be presented in the same format. AustralianRupert (talk) 23:08, 31 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I think I finished all the fixes. Please check them. Thanks for the review =)--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 07:21, 2 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support: all my concerns have been addressed. AustralianRupert (talk) 12:37, 2 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This looks pretty good; I would support it for A-class. One question though; are any of the units that Nasser served with during his career named in the sources? Buckshot06 (talk) 10:13, 5 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The only bit of info available is the one with the "6th Infantry Battalion" in Palestine. If I find any closer accounts of his previous presence in Sudan, I will add them to the text.--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 20:03, 7 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I know that citations in lead are rare, but for a statement like "Nasser is seen as one of the most important political figures in both modern Arab history, and Developing World politics in the 20th century" or "many in the general Arab populace still view Nasser as a symbol of Arab dignity and freedom." I'd like to see a cite. Also, for his Writings, I'd like to see their original title in Arabic, and notes on possible translations / ISBNs. That section ooks really underdeveloped. Otherwise, good job. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk 17:24, 12 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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